I like it when people call me Miss. It doesn’t happen very often anymore, so when a young barista at Starbucks called me that the other day, I thanked him for it.
He was confused by my appreciation and I had to explain to him that at my age I usually get called Ma’am. Being referred to as Ma’am makes me feel old, like I’m someone’s mother. Of course I am someone’s mother – two someones to be exact – but I still don’t feel old enough to be called that.
Getting called Miss made me feel young. I encouraged him to call all women Miss instead of Ma’am in the future. But who knows if other women would feel the same way I do.
One of my friends gets annoyed when she’s referred to as a girl instead of a woman, and she’s been irritated about that since we graduated high school 27 years ago. I, on the other hand, love being called a girl and refer to my friends as girl friends not women friends.
And it’s not just the ladies who can take issue with what they’re called. One of my older male friends didn’t like me calling him Mister. Feeling sensitive about his age and not realizing that I call all males that, including my own son, I had no idea that anyone would consider that a dig about their age.
But titles, labels and nicknames are tricky. What one person likes, another person might not and unless they say something, you often haven’t got a clue.
One of my friends calls me Princess. I like it, but another pal finds it disrespectful, as if I’m being referred to as a spoiled prima donna. The reason she thinks that is because she had a boyfriend who would call her Princess for that very reason. But since I know it’s not meant that way towards me, I have no qualms about that same nickname.
Another buddy of mine, a tough guy who rides a Harley and has biceps as big as my head, doesn’t care what in the world you call him as long as it’s not Jerk. He’s vague about the reason why, but something from his past has made that particular word off limits for him in the same way it did with my friend who hates being called Princess.
Words are powerful and it’s interesting to see how differently people can react to them. Even people who say they’re impossible to offend usually have one or two names that will upset them.
When I was a kid we were taught to think before we spoke and and be careful with the words we chose. We were also taught that stick and stones will break our bones but names will never hurt us. Obviously that’s not exactly true, especially if the names are delivered with cruel intent. But former First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
She was right. We’re the ones that give the words whatever power they have over us. So go ahead – call me whatever you want. And if you call me Ma’am I won’t think of myself as old anymore. Instead, I’ll think of myself as a southern belle. Maybe even a southern belle princess.
Lori Welbourne is a syndicated columnist. You can contact her at www.onabrighternote.ca.
