I got a call from a close friend the other day. Her name is Linda and she is 9 years older than me.
Linda and I became friends 13 years ago. We worked in the same office and she became the person I turned to when my husband was suddenly hospitalized with an unidentified illness. I had no other family to comfort me, and Linda came through. She asked about George everyday. When the stress threatened to overwhelm me, I talked and she listened. We have been through a lot together since that tense year. Sometimes I annoy her because I’m bossy. Sometimes I have to let Linda fly her own kite—her indecisiveness irks me. But we remain friends.
Children learn to make friends in elementary school. We seek out other children who naturally share our interests. In our training to get along with others we must learn to play and work with each other. We join together for a baseball game or to do a project for school. Shared emotion in time of crisis can deepen any relationship.
It can be difficult to maintain friendships, though. Families move from town to town with great frequency and parents and children leave friends behind. Electronic devices allow us to keep more ties with people we’ve met, and many believe they have friendships through facebook or texting.
What’s the real definition of a friend? What does a friend do?
Casual friends might fit the Facebook definition — someone who reads of your accomplishments while you read theirs.
Texting, e-mails, snail mail — all are a little more intimate. They are personal exchanges between people who know something about each other and who care enough to communicate.
Telephone calls and social gatherings are even more intimate. I’ve had phone relationships with relatives I couldn’t visit due to physical distance. One-on-one, face-to-face interactions are the most intimate friendships. When you meet a friend in person you use all your senses to learn things about them. More importantly you can exchange the gift of undistracted time. It is in these personal relaxed interchanges that we get really comfortable with friends. We learn they have a daughter in prison or a husband with cancer. These are the people we can share our hurts with when we lose a loved one. Everyone needs a friend like that.
I think our experiences with friends lead us from one emotional connection to another. We don’t need intimate relationships with everyone we like. Some people can be pleasant to share a meal with and yet clearly unconnected to the emotional well in a way that encourages intimacies about stressful situations. Strive to have at least one friend like that.
Life is joyous, challenging, hopeful and tiring. We will fare better if we maintain relationships with others who can understand and care for us through each phase.
Ronda Bishop is a licensed mental health counselor and experienced parenting educator. She has worked as a counselor, teacher, and life coach for the past 15 years. Questions for Ronda can be e-mailed to Mslrbishop@comcast.net.
