Auburn police responded

to the following calls for service between Aug. 27 and Aug. 25:

Aug. 27

Weirdo burglar: 2 a.m.,

1900 block of A Street Southeast. A man wearing dark clothing used a ladder to access a woman’s second-floor apartment. Once inside, he stroked the sleeping woman’s arm until she awakened and screamed, whereupon he ran out the front door. The woman subsequently found that her purse and cell phone were missing.

Assault: 10:16 p.m., 31400 block of 114th Place Southeast. Police arrested a man for assaulting his wife of 17 years during an argument over the momentous issue of the back cover of a television remote.

Suspicious man: 5:22 p.m., 3600 block of I Street Northeast. A suspicious man was out and about, doing his thing, rousing people’s suspicions by knocking on doors in a residential neighborhood and mooching money. When the suspicious man caught sight of police, he tried to flee, attempting to conceal his whereabouts by asking a woman if he could pretend to garden with her. When police found the suspicious man, he offered up a suspicious name not his own, earning himself an arrest for obstructing an officer to complement his outstanding misdemeanor warrant.

Aug. 26

Shoplifting: 9:30 p.m., 1101 Supermall Way S.W. When an unknown female tried to pay for her meal at Johnny Rockets with a declined debit card, she told an employee that she would just trot on over to the nearest ATM and return with greenbacks in hand to pay her $12.57 bill. This turned out to be a falsehood.

Vandalism: 1:10 a.m., 400 block of 37th Street Southeast. Parents reported that their liquored-up boy broke a window trying to get into their house.

Burglary: 1:30 a.m., 400 block of 17th Street Southeast. Somebody snuck into a local rehabilitation center and absconded with thousands of dollars worth of tools. A nurse had confronted the bad guy earlier that morning but did not call police.

Coffee rustler: 8:53 a.m., 1317 Harvey Road N.E. Two persons were told to get out of the Alano Club and not come back because one of them refused to pay for a cup of coffee.

Shoplifting: 3:29 p.m., 1101 Supermall Way. Police arrested a man for shoplifting $283.91 worth of goods from the Sports Authority. The man told police he was sorry to have done it, but added “times are tough!”

Burglary: 7:30 p.m., 100 block of 10th Street Northeast. A man told police that while he was using his restroom for about 20 minutes, an unknown person entered his home through the open back slider door and stole his jacket with his wallet inside. Inside the wallet was a $1 dollar bill, a driver’s license and a credit card. The victim did not hear or see anything.

Aug. 25

Vandalism by fish guts: 7:26 a.m., 3401 Stuck River Drive. An unknown person hung fish entrails on the City of Auburn’s Water Department gate in the 3400 block of Stuck River Road, according to police, a common practice during fishing season.

Burglary: 10:30 a.m., 3700 block of A Street Southeast. Unknown subjects got into a fenced yard and stole lumber.

Disorderly conduct:

11:39 a.m., 500 block of C Street Southwest. A man called 911 to report that somebody had threatened him with a rifle, which turned out to be a big, fat whopper.

Traffic collision with injury: 1:01 p.m., 3900 block of

A Street Southeast. One vehicle and one bicycle collided, resulting in minor injuries to the

49-year-old female cyclist. Police were unable to whether she or the driver was at fault, so no one was cited.

Theft: 6 p.m., 500 block of M Street Southeast. A woman called to report that a man she knew had swiped her prescribed medication while she was sitting in a car in the parking lot of Park Apartments.

Bank robbery: 4:34 p.m., 401 15th St. N.E. A man walked up to a teller at the U.S. Bank, demanded money, got it and left. No weapon was reported. The amount was not disclosed.

Burglary: 5:08, 10 block of 16th Street Northwest. Somebody broke into a storage unit and stole several cases of cholesterol medication.

Shoplifting: 7:16 p.m., 1702 Auburn Way N. A youth stole two Tilt alcohol beverages from Top Foods, getting himself arrested for shoplifting and for being too young to possess any such invigorating liquid refreshment.

Assault: 8:40 p.m., 29000 block of 59th Place South. Police arrested a man for trying to strangle his girlfriend and for assaulting her daughter.

Possession of stolen property: 9:59 p.m., 900 block of 16th Street Northeast. Police arrested a man for four confirmed Auburn warrants and transported him to the Auburn jail. There, officers found three stolen checks in his sock belonging to a person in Renton.