In the spirit of Halloween, I have come up with a solution to the No. 1 problem in the world: how to find a girlfriend.

Every pathetic male on earth has faced this riddle, and a good answer has never been discovered.

My moment of enlightenment on solving the world’s darkest secret came while I was covering a City Council meeting. Unlike some meetings I cover, this one was very quiet and polite, until a woman approached the microphone to address the council and mayor.

She requested permission for her group to search for ghosts in a city cemetery.

Suddenly, the sleepy City Council chambers broke into a clamor with nearly everyone offering their ghost encounters past and present. We were all having a pile more fun than five minutes earlier. This started me thinking and a light went on, which is never good, but I couldn’t help myself.

I recalled an advertisement I saw on TV where pathetic guys find girlfriends by entering a bunch of lies about themselves on the Internet, which is a very good business plan. It occurred to me a new path was needed. I heard a voice whisper in my ear, “ghost girlfriend.”

That seemed the perfect fit. I know someone who does dandy with his imaginary girlfriends, but the ones who use real words and can move their arms and legs at the same time are nothing but trouble for him. I immediately called him with my brilliant brainstorm.

“What would you think of a ghost girlfriend?”

“I don’t know. How do I find one?” he asked.

“I’ve heard you can rent a machine to find them. How great is that? It’s a lot easier than the usual methods that never work.”

“Where do I rent one? Can we get it tonight?”

I told him there may be a few details to work out, but he was very excited about the concept. Think of the advantages. Lots of transparency in the relationship and no expensive dinners to worry about. If you forget to open the car door for your girlfriend it’s no problem. She goes right through it, and you never get in trouble for making the wrong comment about her hair or makeup. … I don’t think.

Admittedly there are a few kinks to work out. If the boyfriend does get in trouble, which is always a possibility, the downside could be troubling. A mad ghost girlfriend might be a little scary, and she could be somewhat hard to hide from, which is another small problem. But think about it. If your girlfriend or wife is mad, there is no hiding. How much worse can it be with a ghost girlfriend?

I may have stumbled upon the answer to the most vexing riddle facing the men of mankind – ghost girlfriends.

Have a happy Halloween.

Reach Dennis Box, Covington Reporter regional editor, at dbox@maplevalleyreporter.com or 425-432-1209, ext. 5050.